This may just be one of the most valuable posts I have written as it could help you get almost whatever you want out of life.
Mainly because schools never taught us that.
Our educational system is not designed to teach us personal growth.
Which is why we know semi-irrelevant trivia about countries, continents, wars, and the periodic table… but we overcomplicate growth.
But if you strip it down, personal growth is just math.
Every experience is like a function.
You feed in input (life, stress, failure, opportunity) and you get an output (your behavior). The question is: does that output change when the input repeats?
That’s where calculus comes in.
Oh boy.
Because the best way to understand growth is through functions, derivatives, and integrals.
I’ll make it super easy.
Learning = the function f(x).
A function maps inputs to outputs. In life, that’s experience → behavior.
If your behavior changes when tested again, you’ve learned.
Intelligence = the derivative f’(x).
The derivative tells us the rate of change. In life, that’s your speed of adaptation.
A steep slope means you learn fast. A flat slope means you repeat mistakes.
Wisdom = the integral ∫f(x)dx.
The integral is the total area under the curve. In life, that’s the accumulated stockpile of lessons over time.
Wisdom is compound interest on learning.
In math terms:
Learning is the curve.
Intelligence is the slope.
Wisdom is the area.
Phew….
If you are like my 9-year old, you would call that “Yapping”.
So, to make it more applicable, let me explain how you can get almost whatever you want out of life with a few easy heuristics.
The Mechanism: When-Then Algorithms
Most people operate on autopilot.
They react to situations the same way every time. Same input, same output. The function almost never changes.
Fast learners tend to do something different. They install when-then algorithms into their lives.
When X happens, I do Y.
Someone tells you that you interrupt people too much in conversations. Most people hear it, nod, and keep interrupting. Their function hasn’t changed.
Someone who learns fast takes that feedback and creates a specific when-then statement.
When someone is speaking, I count to three before I respond.
That’s a behavior you can actually execute.
The trigger is clear.
The action is specific.
The function just changed.
The when-then framework works because it converts vague feedback into something you can actually do. Being a better listener means nothing. Counting to three before you speak is a behavior you can practice today.
Finding Your Whens
But you can’t install when-thens if you don’t see the pattern in the first place.
This is where most people get stuck.
They live life by default instead of by design. That’s just a fancy way of saying that they react to whatever comes at them without noticing what keeps happening.
In my experience, awareness comes from one place: seeing the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Meaning: If you don’t want to be any place different, why would you change anything!
Let’s say you want to get promoted at work but you keep getting passed over. Until you set that goal clearly and look at the gap, you won’t notice the patterns. But once you anchor to that goal, suddenly you start seeing what’s missing.
Maybe you realize you never speak up in team meetings.
Maybe you notice you avoid difficult conversations.
The gap creates the awareness.
Every time you stay quiet when you should speak up, that’s a when you can work with.
No goal means no gap. No gap means no awareness. No awareness means no when-thens.Finding Your Thens
Once you see the when, you need to figure out the then.
Meaning: You need to know what behavior to install.
The easiest way is to just model someone one level ahead of you. Don’t try to copy the person at the top. Find someone who’s where you want to be in the next few years and watch what they actually do.
If you want that promotion, look at someone who just got promoted recently.
What do they do differently in meetings? How do they handle conflict? What do they say yes to and what do they say no to? Close that gap first.
You can get 90% of the way there just by modeling their behavior.
The Skill vs. Awareness Test
Sometimes you see the pattern and install the when-then, but nothing changes. That’s when you need to figure out if this is about awareness or skill.
Here’s the test. If you’re doing the behavior over and over and it’s still not working, you probably need a new skill or technique.
Let’s say you’re running four miles every day but not losing any weight. You don’t need more awareness about exercise. You already know you need to work out and you’re doing it. You probably need better information about nutrition or a different training approach. That’s a skill gap.
But if you’re not doing the behavior consistently, that’s awareness. You know what to do but you’re not doing it. You need a better when-then to trigger the behavior before you lose momentum.
The distinction matters because the solution is different.
Awareness problems get solved by better triggers.
Skill problems get solved by learning from someone who knows more than you do.
The Math in English
To get almost whatever you want out of life:
Change your behavior by installing when-then statements that you can actually execute.
Change it faster by testing whether you need more awareness or a new skill.
Do those two things right and wisdom (area under the curve) builds itself.
The lessons stack automatically.
And you become like Yoda.
That is the math of personal growth that nobody ever taught us.